Stephen:
We now join our traffic reporter, Gilbert N. Sullivan up in the air.

(KEVIN slaps his chest to make helicopter sounds.)

Stephen:
Gilbert! Gilbert, can you hear us?

Kevin:
Let me turn down my helicopter. That’s better. The fact of the matter is at this moment all traffic is simply stopped.

Stephen:
Can you see from up there what caused it?

Kevin:
Ah yes, I see the problem.

ONE SLOOP,
GOING THROUGH THE BRIDGE.
ONE SLOOP,
HEADING OUT TO SEA.
A PRETTY LITTLE SAILBOAT WITH A FLAG ATOP ITS MAST,
WAS THE CAUSE OF THIS CATASTROPHE.

‘TWAS THE DAY BEFORE THE HOLIDAY WEEKEND.
THE WHOLE TOWN WAS WEARING A GRIN.
CARS HEADING HAPPILY OUT OF THE CITY,
AND CARS HEADING HAPPILY IN,
FANS ON THEIR WAY TO A HUSKY GAME,
MOVING STEADILY OVER THE BRIDGE.
THEN AT 3:31 ON THE DOT,
ALONG CAME A SEA-FARING YACHT.

Stephen & C.J.:
THEN AT 3:31 (31, 31)
ON THE DOT (ON THE DOT, ON THE DOT, ON THE DOT),
ALONG CAME A SEAFARING YACHT.

Kevin:
HE SIGNALED TO OPEN THE BRIDGE.

(KEVIN makes horn sound—one long, one short.)

Stephen (as skipper):
I need to get through.

Kevin:
BUT THE BRIDGE SOUNDED BACK:

(KEVIN makes five shot beeps.)

C.J. (as bridge keeper):
You’ll have to wait.

Kevin:
BUT THE SKIPPER, HE CRIED:

Stephen:
“I’M GOING TO BE LATE.
AT PORT GAMBLE TONIGHT, I’M TO MARRY MY BRIDE.
IT’S A FOUR-HOUR SAIL, IF THE TIDE’S ON MY SIDE.
I BEG OF YOU, OPEN THE BRIDGE.”

C.J.:
SHE RELUCTANTLY OPENED THE BRIDGE.

Kevin:
SO THE BRIDGE, IT WENT UP,
AND THE BOAT, IT WENT THROUGH,
THEN THE BRIDGE, IT GOT STUCK,

C.J. & Stephen:
Oh!

All:
THEN THE BRIDGE, IT GOT STUCK!

Kevin:
AND THE CARS DRIVING UP
ALL GOT STUCK IN A LINE
AND IT GREW, AND IT GREW,
AND IT GREW…
TILL THE CARS AT THE BRIDGE
WERE MET BY THE CARS
ON THEIR WAY TO THE HUSKY GAME….

C.J. & Stephen:
Oh!

Kevin:
AND THE CARS AT THE GAME
WERE MET BY THE CARS,
EN ROUTE TO BUMBERSHOOT. . .

C.J. & Stephen:
On no!

Kevin:
WHICH WERE MET BY THE CARS
ON MERCER STREET,
WHERE THEY’D BEEN STUCK
SINCE THE NIGHT BEFORE,
WHICH WERE MET BY THE CARS
THAT WERE HEADING OUT,
WHICH WERE MET BY THE CARS,
THAT WERE HEADING IN,
AND NORTH AND SOUTH
AND EAST AND WEST,
AND ALL THE CARS,
THEY CAME TO REST FOR . . .

Kevin: C.J. & Stephen:
ONE SLOOP, DOOP1 DOOP!
GOING THROUGH THE BRIDGE.
ONE SLOOP, DOOP! DOOP!
HEADING OUT TO SEA.

All:
THE SLOOP THAT HAD A SKIPPER WHO WAS ANXIOUS FOR HIS BRIDE,
WAS THE CAUSE OF THIS CATASTROPHE.

Kevin:
IN THE CARS, THEY ARE FIGHTING, SCRATCHING AND BITING,
SWEARING AND TEARING EACH OTHER APART,
IT’S A TOTAL DISASTER,
BUT YOU CAN TAKE HEART –
FOR TONIGHT THE LITTLE SKIPPER . . .

Stephen:
Yo ho ho!

Kevin:
MEETS HIS ANXIOUS LITTLE BRIDE.

C.J.:
With a bottle of rum.

Kevin:
AND THEY’LL BE MARRIED HAPPILY

All:
ON ONE SLOOP.